It is nice to remind yourself…

I am seeking the best the best for the world. The best in me and for me. I will be the love that I have looked for, to myself and to those who my life touches.
dahlia 


Posted By dahlia holmes to musings of a flower at 12/11/2008 02:27:00 PM

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Stuff you dig up when you are looking for other stuff….

A season in purgatory…             08/08/08

“Essays” on you.

i spent my morning washing my face…

Washing my face with tears,
an endless deluge to tears…

And now i sit here all cried out (for the moment),

numb (inside),
waiting patiently for the (rain).
                                           9:45 am

 

in a box on my desk lies my heart:

your key, our key.

my ring, your ring.

in tissue paper on a faux suede red paper, in a black box with a cool gold design and Korean words with lot numbers on the side.

                                      9:50 am

i sent a text to you, just now…

“No matter how bad your day, a belly rub makes it better.”

i could use a belly rub about now.

                                      9:56 am

 

i am going through the motions of my day now…

living on the remains of our conversations, you voice on the other side of the line.
waiting between the moments of silence for my heart to beat again.

                                      11:38 am

 

r u afraid of me?

right now, r u afraid 2 b with me?

right here, r u afraid 2 b u incase u hurts me more,

OR

r u afraid to be u because u love me and that u scares u?

 

i am not afraid of u… whatever u means, or u r, or u could be or do.

i am not afraid of u, because i love you, and love and fear cannot coexist to(get)her.

the only thing i fear is no u with me, and no me with u, and no us together, and u and me apart.

                                      11:47 am

 

as you can no doubt see – i am using my time WHIZ-E-LY. roger always told me to be WHIZ-E, and pursue WHIZ-DUMB!

in my pursuit of this i pursued u.

                                      11:48 am

I AM THE ONE

I am the one who walks, or drives the extra mile,

Who always tries to show up and be there no matter what.

I am the one who emails, texts and calls…just because, just in case…

Hey, I was thinking about you. Are you ok?

I am the one who goes out of the way,

Puts my life on hold,

Let’s your life hold sway…

I am the one who will find you in that dark place,

Drag you back limp or kicking into this place where light and love dwells,

Staying with you till you work through your personal hells…

Following you back when you slip, when you crack,

Holding on to you when it’s the will to fight you lack.

I am the one, who always picks up the phone at 1, 2 , 3 am

Rolls out of bed, packs on the clothes and goes to you again.

I am the designer driver, the hair hold backer, the “no, I can’t let you sleep just now.”

“Have some coffee and some toast it will make you feel better.”

I am the one, who when the friends walk out, I am still standing in the corner,

Waiting in the shadows for your hand to reach out, just in case you need me.

And after all these years, these nights, these tears, these fights, these hugs, these lungs that scream for you to

“WAKE UP!” “YOU MATTER!” “YOU ARE LOVED!”

After all this,

It occurs to me that I am the one who misses you, I am not the one you miss.

dahlia holmes  November 18th, 2013 10:51 a.m. (Home)